Willie Gimlé
Willie Gimlé
Portrayed By: Christopher Eccleston
Status: Alive
Age: 36
Occupation: Stand-Up Comedian
Theme Song: Modern Man - Arcade Fire
Alias: Beastenders
Powers: Animal Transformation

William "Willie" Gimlé is a relatively harmless stand-up comic/occasional Improv instructor.


Born into the world's greatest socialist republic cum Galactic empire, William Gimlé is the half-mad-twice-honorable son of a middle-class serf and illiterate peasant-girl soothsaying software programmer.

Willie has been all across the flat, cooling world, he fought Saracen in the Mostly Holy lands with the King of Rock and Roll, has had tiffs with Prussian nobles moonlighting in exhibition fighting games against Huns in American Gladiator, and is personal friends with nobles from the Dissociative Arab Emirates, having once calmed a raging desert camel-dragon in their thousand-and-one lakes.

Willie has also been known to loudly decry the hunger-pangs of the Franco-Saxon holocaust, and is an avid follower of the will of William the Conqueror.

Willie failed most of his history classes.


A pro-gun control hunting enthusiast with a taste for big-game and small women. He likes to think of himself as an apex predator.

And Willie always has to be the funny guy, since it is literally his job and since comedians are kind of the worst. He can be tiring.

Masked Persona

As an animal-themed superhero - he finds it endlessly hilarious to name himself after puns. He is lactose intolerant.

He used to be Buff-alo but no one included the dash (he worked out for months to get buff and toned) so the joke was lost. In 1996, he was briefly known as Bring the Crane - before that, he was one of LC's only heroes, and named Really White Tiger.

From 1986 to 1989 he went through a series of names inspired by the song "Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi - beginning with I'm a Cowboy, changing to On a Steel Horse when he realized people thought I'm a Cowboy was actually only the last word and meant he carried guns, and finally to Loaded Six-Toed Sloth (which isn't a thing) because On a Steel Horse sounded technological and Willie has a fear of computers and mistrust of Vampire Hunter D novels.

After eating the wrong mushrooms during a reconnaissance mission in 1994, he went by The Ineffa-Bull but since he couldn't describe why he chose the name, this was quickly replaced.

For several years in the late 90s till 2001 Willie went by The Animal - but when Rob Schneider released a movie of the same name in 2001 he immediately began litigation to sue for copyright infringement and improper usage of image rights. The trial is still ongoing.

A little later he donned a classical black costume and fox mask, adopting the name Zorroaster, but he was estopped from using or marketing the name in the eastern hemisphere and south of the US border by angered Mexican and Persian curt systems.

He had a small, public argument with a very well-known superhero over the rights to his name when Willie adopted the moniker "Bloody Swan" after a very crude joke abut female reproductive cycles in his stand-up album "Power-Top/Super-Bottom."

Willie has been divorced numerous times.


  • Strength: 3
  • Dexterity: 4
  • Constitution: 5
  • Intelligence: 3
  • Perception: 4
  • Willpower: 3


Willie is a loner, for the most part.

Recent Events

I beat some robots up with a couple of poofs and a gook that speaks like a cat… goddamn I wish that were a euphemism.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License